


Our Word (On It's Own)

by fun_sized_advil



Category: 36 Questions (Podcast), Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abused Deceit | Janus Sanders, Abusive Parents, Drug Abuse, M/M, Song Lyrics, Suicide Attempt, Sympathetic Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:01:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28542960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fun_sized_advil/pseuds/fun_sized_advil
Summary: Janus and Virgil as Judith and Jase in the song "Our Word" from the podcast musical 36 Questions. Basically the fic is about his parents teaching him to lie at a young age to get out of trouble and *SPOILER* in the musical Judith Ford lies to her husband Jase about her name and identity for the same reason. (Judith is to Natalie as Janus is to Deceit)
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	Our Word (On It's Own)

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written a fic like this before so lmk how y'all like it! Apparently you aren't supposed to post twice in a day but my school is restarting tomorrow so I'll probably be busy for a while. 
> 
> TW- lying, drug overdose that leads to an unintentional suicide attempt

Janus took a deep breath, the salty beach smell hitting his head. “For the record, I’ve decided to tell Virgil everything about my past, including my parents.”

“I don’t know what you think will come of this, what could you possibly say to justify this, Deceit?”

“It’s Janus, and for the record, Virgil is staring at me like he’s not sure if he wants to kiss me or strangle me.”

“This is serious”

“Look Vee, I don’t expect you to forgive me, just hear me out okay? We’re doing it for the questions.”

“Yeah,” he looked up, “go for it I guess.”

Janus put the phone down and looked out at the waves, taking his time to adjust his breathing in sync with the water’s movements. 

“When I was a little girl, like really little, like 8 or so, I was playing in my father's study.”

He smiled woefully, “A place in the house I wasn't supposed to go. My father fancied himself a sailor and his study was filled with nautical decor. He kept a boat in a bottle on the top of a shelf, and it shattered on the ground when I slammed the door”

Virgil turned to face him.

“I told my mother everything, I told her I was so, so sorry. She told me, ‘Don't cry, when he comes home tonight we can make everything okay. This is all we have to say; We don't remember a boat in a bottle. It must've fallen off its shelf. We know you loved it, we're so sad it's broken, but neither one of us was even home. And it's our word, yes, our word, against his.”

Another deep breath. “So I hid screw-ups from my father and made up school awards to please my mom. Whatever made the steak taste better, whatever kept the waters calm. I was told to keep their secrets and in turn they'd keep mine. As I got older, I got dumber, I couldn't help but cross the line”

Virgil took his hand and Janus pulled him closer. “Three times I nearly wrecked my life, three times I nearly came to ruin, three times I went crying to my parents, who said they'd make it go away. Yes, this is all we had to say; ‘We never rented a house in Sedona, we didn't see Camille the day she died, we haven't been on our boat in some years now so we don't care what you found inside.’ And it's our word yes, our word.-”

“-Against theirs.” Virgil finished. 

Janus nodded. “Somebody was paid to make it go away, _everyone was paid to make the problems go away_. Doesn't matter who gets screwed, or who is blamed, or what you need to do to clear your name. An inconvenient truth can be easily erased.”

He put his head on Virgil’s shoulder. “When I was 26, I was living in New York. I developed some fun habits which put my white blood cells to work. I remember it so clearly, I was home alone on a Tuesday night. To level out, I'd popped some downers, but couldn't seem to get my mind right. I drew a bath and slipped into it and suddenly became aware that I couldn't keep my head above water. I took a final gasp of air”

“You don’t have to continue Janus”

“I have to answer truthfully right? Well as I laid there helplessly, a million different thoughts came to me. I saw my parents hearing the news, ‘Your only son drowned today.’ I thought about what they might say. ‘Our son Janus? No, he moved to Austin. He's very happy there, or so we hear. He's always been so goddamned independent, the years go by and now we barely see him’ he laughed, ‘Our son, Janus? You must be mistaken, you mean the son we raised as if our own? We loved him so much he felt like our child, but eventually we had to send him home.’”

Suddenly Virgil understood, “It'd be their word”

“Only their word”

He repeated himself “It'd be their word, only their word. On its own...”

**Author's Note:**

> I love comments so feel free to leave some if you'd like. Roast me if you find any typos. Much love to y'all and wear a mask 💛


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